A custody change isn’t just about the legal side of things. There is also that aspect of an emotional transition for everyone involved, especially the kids caught up in the middle of all this. You are probably wondering how you tell your child their daily life is just about to shift. Of course as a parent, your primary role is to prepare them emotionally for the new custody to ensure they settle seamlessly and transition with ease.
We are here to help you through this! In this article we’ve compiled some essential strategies to support your child through this change.
Communicate Early and Honestly
How you communicate the decision to shift custody to your kids can make or break their emotions. Just like when breaking sad news, you ought to be careful with your message delivery and timing.
It’s worth noting that kids tend to be very sensitive and can observe that things are suddenly changing. If you continue keeping them in the dark, they will get anxious and probably affect their emotions. You can start by talking to your children about the custody change as soon as it’s appropriate.
It is even best to communicate with them early about your decision to prepare them psychologically. Try to use age-appropriate language, and be as honest as possible without overwhelming them with unnecessary legal or adult details. Let them know what will change and what will stay the same. For example, you can reassure them that they will still go to the same school and see both parents.
Let Them Ask Questions, But Listen Actively
When you decide to change your custody, your kids will definitely have some questions hanging in their minds. To release them emotionally, encourage them to ask these questions.
Let them ask as many questions as they may ask. Whether the questions are hard-hitting or evoke some emotions on your side, simply create a safe space where they feel comfortable voicing their concerns.
Be ready for questions like “Will I still see my friends?”, “Do I have to change schools?”, and “why can’t we all live together?” among others. When they ask, listen patiently. Do not rush to fix everything or give overly complicated explanations. Often, what they need from you is to hear and understand them. Even if you don’t have all the answers, simply validate their feelings.
Avoid Negative Talk About the Other Parent
Custody change can often evoke feelings of pain and bitterness, especially if you feel the other parent had ill-intentions, is at fault, or you are generally not happy about the decision. While you might find it hard to say positive things about the other parent, just don’t transfer those emotions to your kids. No matter the circumstances of the custody change, avoid criticizing or speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child.
First, you should know that children identify with both parents. Negative comments can make them feel caught in the middle or guilty for loving both parents. If in case your child expresses anger or frustration about the other parent, let them talk openly, but don’t fuel the fire. Instead, acknowledge their emotions but steer clear of blame.
It’s even wise to engage a qualified divorce attorney near you to help build a healthier post-divorce life, especially for the kids.. You can engage an experienced divorce attorney in Nassau County who will come in handy in helping you make clear-headed decisions instead of emotionally charged ones. Remember, a divorce can trigger anger, grief, guilt, or revenge but good lawyers will help diffuse the heat. The lawyer will pretty much thus act as a neutral interpreter of the law and your rights, helping you see the big picture
Maintain Routines and Stability
While custody may change, maintaining a routine can help your children seamlessly adapt to the new custody. Children thrive in routine, and significant changes in schedules can disorient them. Whether it is about meals, bedtimes, school routines, or weekend visits, try as much as possible to maintain the routine.
If you are introducing new routines such as switching homes midweek, clearly explain to them the new schedule and, if possible, post it somewhere visible to make them remember and get used to it as fast as possible. Also, be consistent in discipline, expectations, and your parenting styles between homes. When you are predictable, your kids will feel safe, even in unfamiliar situations.
Reinforce Your Unconditional Love
Perhaps the most important thing you can do for your kids, especially with custody change, is to repeatedly reassure them that your love for them has not changed and will never change. Keep in mind that custody shifts can make your children question their place in the family, or wonder if they did something that forced such a significant decision.
You can take the game a level higher by making time for one-on-one bonding. Whether it’s reading a book together at night or going for a walk, make them feel loved. Tell them often that you love them, no matter what’s happening with the grown-ups. This consistent affirmation gives them a solid rock of emotional security that can carry them through even if the transition is difficult.
Wrapping up
Shifting to a new custody is never easy and can be harder on children than it is on adults. However, by communicating effectively and putting their needs at the center of the transition, you will help them feel safe, loved, and understood, no matter which parent they are going to live with!
