The Quiet Ways Anxiety Hides in Everyday Moments
It’s funny how something as massive as anxiety can sneak in so quietly. It doesn’t always show up with the classic signs we expect. Sometimes, it’s just a look. A question asked too many times. Or a tantrum that doesn’t quite match the moment.
Take the mornings, for example. My friend’s daughter used to break down over socks she didn’t like wearing. I would watch her display of frustration when we were trying to move from the car to wherever we were going. I thought she was being dramatic. It turns out that it was her way of expressing stress about wherever we were headed. The socks were just the thing she could control. This is the frustrating part of anxiety in children: it often hides in plain sight.
What Does Anxiety Look Like in Children?
It’s Not Always Obvious
Children rarely have the language to say, “I feel anxious.” Instead, they act it out with their bodies and behaviors. One child might get clingy, while another shuts down completely. Some develop strange aches, like back of knee pain, while others lash out at the smallest trigger.
You might notice small changes: Your child starts chewing their sleeves, avoiding eye contact, or rewriting their homework five times. Maybe they suddenly hate going to places they once loved. They might say their stomach hurts before school, but gut-focused medical tests return normal.
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, physical complaints like stomachaches or headaches are common in anxious children, often without a medical cause, as their bodies express what their words cannot.
It’s easy to miss. Until you don’t.
What’s Normal, What’s Not
Of course, some fear is part of growing up. Most kids are scared of the dark or strangers at some point. But those fears usually fade.
If the fear sticks around, grows stronger, or starts getting in the way of school, friendships, or sleep, that’s a signal to pay closer attention.
The Subtle Ways Anxiety Disrupts Home Life
Big Feelings Over Small Things
Have you ever watched your child completely lose it over the wrong color cup? Or fall apart when asked to put on shoes?
It might not be about the cup or the shoes. Those moments are often just the tip of the iceberg. Beneath the surface, there could be a whole storm of fear or uncertainty that your child can’t name yet.
According to renowned child psychologist Tamar Chansky, children often displace anxiety onto small, controllable details because it feels safer than confronting the larger, overwhelming worry.
What looks like defiance or overreaction might be an overloaded nervous system.
When Worry Creeps Into the Body
Anxiety doesn’t stop at thoughts. It manifests physically, too.
Your child might have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. They might eat less than you think they should or way more.
School refusal might start small—a slow morning here, a mysterious illness there—and gradually grow into a pattern. It wears on them. And on you.
What Helps: Structure, Support, and Steady Ground
Create Predictable, Low-Pressure Routines
Kids don’t need rigid schedules. But they do need rhythm.
Waking up to a soft routine, knowing what happens next, and having small rituals to rely on make a big difference. It might be a favorite breakfast together, or a moment of quiet before bed. Predictability creates calm. According to Chansky, consistent routines help children feel secure, reducing anxiety by providing a sense of control in their environment.
Saying “I Hear You”
You don’t need to solve their fear in a heated moment. You just need to see it.
Instead of brushing it by telling your child that “they’re fine,” try, “That sounds really hard, and I’m here for you. Do you want to talk about it, or just sit with me for a minute?”
That pause, that permission to feel, can shift everything.
Show What Regulation Looks Like
We’ve all heard it before. Our kids are like sponges. They observe and take in all of our actions and integrate them into their own behavior. That’s why it’s vital to provide a model of calm and composure, especially during difficult times.
You don’t have to be perfectly calm in the heat of the moment. Just show them how you come back to calm. That’s the real gift.
When Anxiety Might Be Something More
The Overlap with ADHD and Sensory Sensitivities
Sometimes anxiety walks in holding hands with something else.
Your child who zones out in class? Could be anxious, not inattentive. The one who screams at loud noises or hates tags in shirts? They might be processing the world more intensely than others.
Anxiety can look like distraction. Or like stubbornness. But sometimes it’s tied to something deeper, like ADHD or sensory processing challenges.
If you’re not sure, consider exploring an online ADHD diagnosis from a licensed provider. Not to label. Just to understand.
You Can Ask for Help Before It’s an Emergency
You don’t need a full-blown crisis to reach out.
Whether it’s a conversation with a school counselor or a few sessions with a child therapist, getting support early can change everything. It helps your child, yes. But it also helps you show up with more calm, more confidence.
Final Thoughts: Being There Matters Most
Anxiety can be overwhelming for your child and you.
But you don’t have to fix it all. No child (or parent) is perfect.
Simply being present, listening without rushing to conclusions or adding your own judgments to the situation. Stay steady when things feel stormy and create an environment of assurance and safety. Safety, over time, often creates the change you’re seeking.
You don’t need to know every answer. You just need to keep showing up. That alone makes more difference than you know.
References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/The-Anxious-Child-047.aspx
Chansky, T. E. Freeing your child from anxiety: Practical strategies to overcome fears, worries, and phobias and be prepared for life. Harmony Books.
Clark, G. I., & Egan, S. J. Anxiety and sensory processing in children: A guide for parents and clinicians. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 27(4), 1021–1030. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0942-6
Kendall, P. C., & Hedtke, K. A. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxious children: Therapist manual (3rd ed.). Workbook Publishing.
National Institute of Mental Health. Anxiety disorders. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders
Rapee, R. M., Schniering, C. A., & Hudson, J. L. Anxiety disorders during childhood and adolescence: Origins and treatment. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 5, 311–341. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.032408.153628
